I'm starting a new version of the old parlour game Mornington Crescent, only this version is based on the Pennine Way. Y can only visit places on the Pennine Way, the winner of course being the first one to reach Kirk Yetholm. Anybody caught cheating or making improper use of Wainwrights side-rule will be sent back to Edale.

I'll start:

Lothersdale

For those of us who don't have parlours and perhaps less time on our hands, how does it work?

Kirk Yetholme. What do I win?

Churn Mill Hole

No you don't win Slowcoach. You contravened Wainwrights side-rule, so go back to Edale and start agin. You cheat!

(good move from Harland btw - it'll take a player of great experience to get out of that one)

Ok I had no idea what this was about so first thing I did was Google it. Now it`s worse this is a game with either no rules or according to one site 4 different sets of rules.Looks like it might be fun if I can work out what to do??

I think that you will really have needed to hear the program on the radio in order to understand its significance. If you haven't heard it, try and follow it in order to work out how you play.

Meg Moffat's Hill

I don't know about anyone else but I need more help!

I have googled some more and from what I read you need to be able to move in several directions, does that mean when we get to keld we can nip along the coast 2 coast??

Is Meg Moffat' s Hill THE SHILL?

No,it's between Corn Rigg and Black Band.

Major waymarks along the route!

I think so yes.

Are you allowed to go North to South? If so - I'm just about to arrive at yours Joyce!

Good timing it`s roast beef and yorkshire pud tonight.

I hope that the Yorkshire pud is served as a starter course. None of these piddling little things thrown unceremoniously onto the plate amidst the beef and veggies. Sacrilege to us proud Yorkshiremen.

Can I just check - are Bank Holiday rules in play? If they are I'll go for Alston. If not then I'll have to go with Dufton. Obviously you could see why I would want to use Bank Holiday rules!

If it is BH rules, then from Alston I would invoke the Baggage Courier Prerogative and play a second visit to Lothersdale. However, if the concensus is that it is not BH rules, and we start from Dufton, then still a southwards move is in order, but not of the same magnitude. Tan Hill Inn it is.

Sorry, I believe that the Ugglebarny-Slaithwaite rules are now the accepted norm (the modified version of course). You really must keep must to date with the times.

So, applying these, it has to be Pike Hill

Slowcoach - I believe you are wrong, but let's just assume you are right for a moment, and that you have applied the appropriate rules in this instance. If you then play Pike Hill, surely, under the same rules, that allows me to go for Jacob's Ladder. Get out of that one.

What does Ugglebarny/Slaithwaite have to say about my question about North to South? If North to South is permitted, I think we will have to object to Tom's jump to Jacobs Ladder - lets face it - not within the spirit of the game - even if he has found a discrepancy that U & S failed to notice.

(NB. if you are at Jacobs Ladder - you may want to join the Pennine Way Association for their annual walk this Saturday (18th) - meeting up at the Edale Car Park at 9.30am)

Me - I am missing a turn in the sludge and mud just north of the Wall. Although I am told that bonus points await if I make it to the Wall.

The Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite (modification order)clearly states (in section 3, sub section 4, paragraph 5, part 37 (2ii)... the italicised point) that north/south can be accepted only when the previous answer is sub-laterally occluded by an impassable waterfeature as would be the case when Jacob's Ladder is not preceded as an answer by a location lying between Hollin Brown Howe and Long Man's Hill. Which, as you will undoubterdly know, in this case it isn't. Furthermore, to validate it, it needs to be followed by some of Joyce's Yorkshire pudding.

So Pike Hill is correct by these rules.

That told didn't it Bliss?

Are we past Cauldron Snout yet?

Dunno, I'm stuck in the Farmers Arms in Muker still trying to work out the next move!

Mick

Bother, I'm in Lonsdale Dale otherwise I would have joined you! Two he4ads are better than one!

Gregs Hut

I reckon if you stay there long enough and drink enough, you might be able to understand the rules.

That was sneaky .... I need to think about this now!

A very smart move Sentinel, and in all honesty, one I didn't see coming. However, I think I have found a suitable blocker to counter it.

Colden Clough

Ah .... I see your plan tomread. I will however, counteract it with .... Dick Delf Hill.



Touché

Obviously the temptation is to go from Dick Delf Hill to Bellingham using Shitlington Crags but I'm not going to fall for that. I'm going to plump for Hardraw. I know, I know - I'm playing safe but when faced with inverse chevrons in Hawes I really had little choice.

Shitlington Hall

(not crags - see what I did there?)

Malham Tarn

(not Cove - see what I did there?)

I did Tom - well done!

I think I'm moving faster than you lot cos I'm at Redesdale but I could be going the wrong way.

Redesdale? I will therefore invoke the Read-Read off-path accommodation joker and play Mankinholes.

But I can't read and travel at the same time so I can't play Mankinholes. Would Stoodley Pike do?

My move is definitely Mankinholes. You can play Stoodley Pike if you like, which is a valid if uninspiring move from Mankinholes.

I will follow your move with the M62 Footbridge. That should limit your (or whoever plays next) options.

Well I have to take a break there because I am actually now off to Crackpot Hall (for real). If I can find Mornington Crescent from there I reckon I will have beaten the lot of you.

Well if it's the M62 footbridge to limit the options, there's only one place to go, Redmires and stand around for a while! I know it's not far but it has been raining heavily

Redmires? Did you say Redmires? Woo hoo! A hasty and short-sighted move, even if it was raining heavily.

Here we go...

Kirk Yetholm.

Thank you!

That shows the problems of having to go to work. You never win anything!

Very well played Tom. An excellent move and well thought out as well. Anyone fancy another game?

Thank you Sentinel. As champion, perhaps I can open the next game? I fancy a longer game this time, hence I will play The Dalesman Cafe in Gargrave as an opening gambit.

I shall follow that with:

The Leeds & Liverpool Canal

I was not expecting that. Change of strategy for me then:

Mozie Law.

OK - can see we need some pretty wild tactics to take you lot on. I'll go for the abandonned bus on the south side of Hartleyburn Common. Beat that for an opening gambit.

Black Hill Peat Bog ....... get out of that!

can't stick stuck in redmires from the last game

I've just got stuck in Black Hill Peat Bog. Looks like I'll have to miss a go whilst I get out of it.

Sentinel may take his turn. I'm getting him out of Black Hill with the Hagglund from the Tan Hill Inn.

Surely that must be cheating - Slowcoach - what does Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite have to say about this?

I think that you are correct Bliss60, a very dubious move. This highlights the need for the appointment of an independent adjudicator versed in such surreptitious manoeuvring. Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite states that there must be a clearly identifiable linear declination between a new location and the previous one. In this case, unless I am mistaken, I cannot establish one.

I would like to propose (to) Julia Bradbury as our adjudicator and I will personally take my e-mail round to her tomorrow.

That's the thanks I get for helping out a fellow player. Anyway, my interpretation of Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite is that there must be a linear declination - even if partially obstructed - between Tan Hill and Black Hill - since Tan Hill is higher. Hence my move is entirely valid, and the next player MUST make his move from the Tan Hill Inn.

Like the England cricket team, I deplore, resent and regret being accused of cheating. I stand by my move and the tactics therein.

And I don't care what judgement is passed by Miss Bradbury, who has not walked the Pennine Way, but merely helicoptered along the Coast 2 Coast. 3rd Division AFAIAC.

Tom

Well .... if that's the way you wish to play.....I have only one thing to say .....
Windy Gyle


There .... that's stymied you!

It was very decent of you to help me out of Black Hill Tom, but why did you have to leave me in Blenkinsopp Common? I'm even more stuck now than I was before!

A cunning plot you see. Block you, leaving the way open for him to make the killer move.

Cannot see it Slowcoach. I don't think there is a valid winning play from Blenkinsopp Common to Kirk Yetholm within 5 moves of an Ugglebarnby-Slaithwaite injunction.

Therefore:

Kearton Country Hotel tearooms, Thwaite.

Your move.

Right then ..... Featherstonehaugh (near Lambley)

According to the Ugglebarnby-Slaithwaite sixth directive (amended) you cannot make another move unless you can pronounce the name correctly.

Hmmm yes, I see what you did there. OK, Uswayford - which I couldn't pronounce before I did the Way, but I can now!

Hi there Slowcoach - you're near where I am at the abandonned bus off Hartleyburn Common. I've spent the last few days swotting up on Ugglebarnby-Slaithwaite (its not easy carrying all 7 volumes). But now I am fully prepared. Expect a killer move shortly.

I feel (another) ignominious defeat looming!

In my studying of Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite, I was drawn to the footnote under Rule 73 (sub-section 2) which refers to Julius Offenbach's history of the development of the Ugglebarnby/Slaithwaite rules. Given that I was holed up on Hartleyburn Common, it was always going to be a challenge for me to get hold of such an erudite volume, but I am indebted to Mr Andrew Tredwell from Alston Public Library who left no stone unturned in finding me a copy to peruse.

It is a little known fact that in about 1895, John Ugglebarnby fell out with Jebediah Slaithwaite over the Tan Hill Inn rule (ie. Rule number 73 - sub-section 2 - the rule that actually does permit Tom's support for Sentinel). Slaithwaite, always the purist, argued that the Tan Hill Inn rule would be against the spirit of the game, but Ugglebarnby saw the commercial possibilities of allowing the move, and had little difficulty in persuading the rules committee to support him. Jebediah - a broken man, died shortly after, and his opposition to the Tan Hill Inn rule died with him. The rest, as they say, is history.

Perhaps we should start a campaign for Slaithwaite's original purist approach - it could certainly be argued that the game is now far too commercial (let's face it - even Ugglebarnby would have been turning in his grave watching the Laddow Rocks scandal unfold) and we need to return to the more simple and honest form of the game.

Their disagreement is still a talking point on the long winters evenings in the pubs around Great Barugh. The Cholmondleys and the Colquehouns still maintain a family feud.

I've been stuck in Blenkinsopp Common for twenty days now and I have been carrying out some research of my own.

Did you know there used to be a colliery here, known as Blenkinsopp Colliery which actually goes right under the Common? One day in 1908 a roof collapsed and the mine started to flood. All the men managed to escape with the exception of one man - James William Wharton - a hewer who was trapped in the mine. Three men went to rescue him and were never seen again. The mine re-opened and finally closed in 2003.

A memorial to the disaster stands in the local church, but they also added a new rule. In recognition of the bravery of the three men who died, Rule 278 was created which states that:

"any man who become stuck, incapacitated or bogged in the mire for 7 days or more may call upon the hewer James William Wharton who will assist in any way he sees fit"

During my long nights on Blenkinsopp I have met James William Wharton several times and had many an interesting conversations with him. He has also agreed to help me out of my predicament and has invoked rule 278 and I am pleased to tell you that I have just made it to Bellingham.

out of the frying pan into the fire so you thought it was boggy on Blenkinsopp common just wait till you pass paddon hill.You will get bogged down in the mire again and there are no spooks to get you out of it.